


La Bayadère

by koeia



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27017224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koeia/pseuds/koeia
Summary: Connor has been dancing since he was young, and it has always been an escape for him.  He started studio dance young, and joined his school's dance team between eighth grade and his freshman year.  Now during the summer between his junior and senior year he finds he can't practice at his house anymore – between the complaints of his parents and neighbors, it's nearly unbearable.So a girl from his studio gives him a tip – that there's a little pavillion deep in the woods of Ellison State Park, and nobody goes out there.  It's the perfect place to practice all summer.Or it would be.  If it weren't for stupid Evan Hansen and his stupid tree obsession.Of course...even with that, it's still not too bad.
Relationships: Alana Beck & Connor Murphy, Alana Beck & Evan Hansen, Alana Beck & Jared Kleinman, Alana Beck & Zoe Murphy, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) & Original Female Character(s), Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Zoe Murphy
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	1. auditions

Whoever compared parties to ‘teenage battle zones’ had  _ clearly  _ never experienced dance team auditions at Pocahontas High School. They were bloody, vicious affairs. Cutthroat. 

Coincidentally, they were also Connor’s favorite week of the year. Well, not coincidentally. It was a related set of circumstances. 

Connor had started dancing at a very young age. He couldn’t quite remember if it was three, four, or five – but he knew that he had begun ballet in his ‘formative years’. It had all just sort of...spiralled out of control from there. 

His teacher was Miss Kristina, a Russian woman who had no tolerance for nonsense. Connor  _ loved  _ her. And she pulled him into the company which pulled him deeper and deeper into dance until suddenly he was in middle school dancing four hours a night on weekdays and seven hours on Saturday, having only Sunday away from it. And it was  _ glorious.  _

He got time away from his parents, which was much needed. He got to throw himself into his choreography at full force, with just him and the beat and his muscle memory. It was freeing. It was a reminder that he was alive, that he was in  _ control.  _ Because that’s what dance is, really. Liberation through mastery of the self. 

Then high school came, and with it, his parents deciding he needs to invest in his future. Because apparently dance isn’t a viable option,  _ apparently.  _ So they required him to spend less time on dance – only two hours a night on weekdays and four hours on Saturdays – and said he had to join an extracurricular. 

Lo and behold, his school had a  _ dance team.  _ Not only that, but the regional champions of the Kelly Green Invitational! Which wasn’t a huge deal, but it was also the only regional competition that they’d  _ entered.  _ So they were actually pretty good. 

So in his freshman year, Connor had auditioned for the team – the only guy to do so – and he made it. And the same happened in his sophomore year. And now it was the end of his junior year, on his way into his senior year, and he was ready to do it all again.  __

He knew he’d make it. Miss Jenna – their coach – liked him enough for that. And he was good. But he got to watch the girls rip at each other for the next couple of days, and that was  _ insanely  _ entertaining. 

“Alright, ladies! Do y’all wanna warm up before we get to it? It could be fun~!” There was  _ Anna.  _ She was one of Connor’s least favorite girls on the team last year – still nice enough, for certain, but she had a little put-on Southern accent and more internalized misogyny than he could shake a stick at. Also probably a little bit of internalized aphobia, if he were a gambling man. Not that he  _ was. _ If Miss Kristina heard he’d been gambling, she’d honestly kill him on the spot. 

“Are we going to –” There was Mori, one of Connor’s favorites. She was a little funky freshman who took no shit. Well, except from Jessica, who she let walk all over her. Connor would never understand why. 

“– of  _ course _ we are, Mori!” There was Jessica now, cutting Mori short, as  _ always.  _ Jessica was...short, in all ways but literal. Short-tempered, short-witted, and short in her speech patterns. Plus she didn’t know how to reach with her movements for the life of her, all she could do was sink into her pli é s and hope. She was a junior, just like Connor. 

“So  _ I’m  _ a lady now?” Connor cut in, his tone dripping with sarcasm and put-on animosity. 

“May as well be,” Carrie waved him off. “You’re like. An actual  _ person.  _ Most men aren’t.” 

“...I feel like I should stop you from saying that, but bitch you’re right.” Jamie, the captain for this year, snorted. “Anyway, everybody circle up!” 

The new people were hesitant as Connor joined the others in the group. This was a tradition, after all. A time honored, time tested  _ tradition.  _

“Do you mind if I start us off?” Katrina – Kat – asked with a grin. Her eyes landed on Connor, harkening back to a conversation about this exact topic they’d had in English earlier on the dance team Discord.

“I’d be  _ delighted,”  _ Connor grinned. 

Kat flashed him a brilliant smile and then started clapping a beat. The other girls started picking it up pretty quickly, and then –

_ “Little Sally Walker, walkin’ down the street,  _

_ didn’t know what to do so she stopped in front of me _

_ she said “Hey girl, shake that thing, shake that thing _

_ don’t stop! Hey girl, shake that thing, shake that thing –” _

“– now switch!” 

Kat was in front of him, having walked around the circle during the ‘Little Sally Walker’ portion and shown off some of her favorite choreo from jazz that week once she’d reached him. And, well, Connor wasn’t about to be shown up by  _ jazz.  _ So when they switched places, he had to one up her by tap dancing his way all the way to the next girl.  _ Obviously.  _

And he had to land in front of Mori now, because she was the best hip hop dancer on the team and deserved the chance to show off. And if she took the chance to do an aerial across the circle instead of actual dance? He wasn’t about to judge. 

Yeah, this was the  _ best  _ week of the year. 

***

“So, there I was, totally minding my own business, and I’m told that doing choreography in front of my house is a ‘disturbance’ and I need to find a better place to do it. By my neighbor.  _ In front of my house!  _ Where  _ else  _ am I supposed to run Miss Jenna’s pom routine before UDA next month?” Connor was seething as he walked with Mori out of ballet – they attended the same studio, as did most of the members of the team. “It’s not like I can come  _ here  _ every night, Miss Kristina has her classes in the city and can’t keep it open! And I can’t go to the school, either, so like –”

“– dude, just go to Ellison State Park? There’s a pavilion like  _ super  _ deep into the woods. Nobody ever goes there except for like, the park rangers. Nobody would bother you,” Mori scoffed as she typed at her phone, the blue glow on her face showing that she was clearly logged in to her edgy poetry account. She and Connor would need to have a stern talk about emotional vulnerability on the internet and all the reasons not to show it. He wanted to make sure she wasn’t being stupid. 

“And how the hell am I supposed to get there if I can’t get a damn ride? My parents don’t want me driving because they think I’m ‘irresponsible’ and it’s not like I can ask  _ Zoe.  _ Firstly she’s too young to be driving, like legally she can but she’s a  _ literal child holy shit. _ Secondly she sucks. Thirdly she hates me.” 

“So take the bus! Just get there! And don’t let Miss Jenna hear you complaining about running her routine, she’ll kill the both of us,” Mori scoffed. 

“And she could hear us here…?”

“Because she’s got  _ magic powers, _ dude! She hears  _ everything.”  _

“Yeah, right –” 

Connor’s phone buzzed, and his stomach shot down to his ankles. 

“She’s  _ actually magic holy shit –” _

“Nah, I just snitched on you two!” Jamie giggled from her car, which was three spaces down from where Mori and Connor were standing. “I’ll drive you, my guy. But you owe me –  _ you _ get to run conditioning this year. You’re not a captain but I don’t wanna deal with people hating me, and you’re gonna be a senior so people have to listen to you. Now shut up and get in my car, if your parents aren’t gonna pick you up on time I’ll drive you home myself.” 

Connor rolled his eyes and walked toward the car, and Jamie looked out the window across from him as he sat down in the passenger seat. “You too, Mori! Like hell I’m leaving a  _ freshman  _ alone outside a dance studio at night. And remember to put on a jacket over your leo next time even though it’s summer, it’s not safe to be out here dressed like that!” 

“Yeah,  _ Mom,  _ okay,” Mori rolled her eyes but obliged. 

That night Connor was a storm when he walked into his house, furious at his parents for missing picking him up. And maybe he lashed out when his sister tried to diffuse the situation, but  _ she  _ should’ve helped  _ him,  _ not tried to quiet him down! 

It was fine. Everything was fine. He’d just go to school tomorrow and all of next week, finish his exams, finish his sophomore year, and spend the first month of summer break in Ellison State Park running choreo. Him, some trees, some music, and dance. He didn’t need – or  _ want  _ – anything else. 


	2. the shadow

There was a shadow hanging over the team at the next day’s practice. It was the last one before the start of summer break – and with that came Miss Jenna’s conditioning, UDA camp, and time alone with their families. 

This weighed particularly heavily on the mind of Carrie. Connor knew that she didn’t exactly see eye to eye with her family on a couple of things – he’d snuck her in through his window once or twice when she had nowhere else to go, and he was ready to do it again. 

Nobody on the team was ready for school to end, strangely enough. The end of the year was the end of an era, the end of an escape from families or one’s mind that school served as a barely-tolerable respite from most of the time. Apparently Jamie was also worried about it. 

“Everyone is to text me at least  _ once  _ a day when we don’t see each other, or I’m storming over to your house to make sure you’re okay. If you’re going to be out of town and can’t text me, let me know in advance. I wanna make sure everyone is okay, and if anyone needs to get out at any time either text me or my address is pinned in the Discord. A reminder that any behavior against the code you signed at the beginning of the year will result in immediate expulsion from the team and that  _ includes  _ getting into fights,  _ Connor.”  _

“I never get into  _ any  _ fights! I just happen to get dragged into them, and it’s not my fault if I’m acting in  _ self defense,”  _ Connor raised his arms in mock surrender. Jessica rolled her eyes. 

“You can instigate a fight without throwing the first punch,  _ jackass,  _ and we’ve all seen you do it. If you punch everyone who ever bothered us, you’d have made enemies of the entire school.” 

“It’s not everyone who bothers you! Just the really problematic ones.” 

“Is this – is this  _ normal?”  _ Michelle – an eighth grader soon to be a freshman who everyone had taken to either calling Mitchy or Ellie – asked Mori, unbelievably quiet. “Aren’t you guys the popular kids?” 

“Ah,” Mori said with a small smile. “You forget one crucial detail. We’re the  _ mentally ill  _ popular kids. That’s what gives us our pizazz. Carrie once called us ‘jock theatre kids’ and I can’t help but appreciate the comparison.” 

“I’ll have you know I said we’re ‘buff theatre kids’!” Carrie called across the gym, causing Mori to stick her tongue out in Carrie’s general direction. 

“Regardless,” Mori rolled her eyes, “we’ve all got issues. And Jamie is like, team mom, and now it’s official with her being captain and all, she’s using that power for good. Or evil. Depending on your irritation with it.” 

“Shut up, you  _ love me,”  _ Jamie flipped Mori off, causing Mori to rise to her feet. 

Oh. Oh  _ yeah.  _ This was going to be  _ fun.  _ Mori didn’t get in this mood often, but when she did, it was always entertaining as  _ hell.  _

“How about this: we make a deal. If I can defeat you in a dance off, I don’t have to text you for the first  _ week.  _ Because I’m a lazy bastard,” Mori shrugged with half a laugh. 

“Alright,  _ deal,  _ but who is going to judge? And don’t you  _ dare  _ say Connor, we all know he likes you best, so that would be an unfair advantage –” Jamie was cut off by Carrie, who smiled up at her from a straddle split. 

“– I got’cha, JJ and Momo!  _ But  _ I get to pick the music. And I pick... _ Hell  _ by Squirrel Nut Zippers.” 

A groan went up through the team. That song was a running joke and had been for several years at that point, because of some terrifying jazz dance that had been choreographed long before Connor’s time. All he could ever remember hearing was something about a quintuple pirouette. Which on its own doesn’t sound as bad as it could be, but then it was to go straight into fouettes. Which.  _ Hellish.  _

So the song’s name fit, really. 

Of course as soon as the song started Mori got to the line first, immediately falling into a full body contraction before rolling up, falling into a pattern of isolations that mixed with turns well enough that it had a really neat effect, actually? She was perfectly controlled, and then landed an aerial  _ right in front of Jamie.  _

Connor had never been more proud of her than he was in that moment.  _ Look at her go, fighting The Establishment. She’s growing up so fast.  _

As Jamie fell into a complex acro routine, Connor felt the whisper of a smile. The shadow, for a moment, was lifted. 

***

“Okay you’re good here?” Jamie asked again, something in her eyes searching Connor’s. She threw a water bottle at his chest before he could answer, having produced it from seemingly nowhere. It was probably one of her extras from practice the day before. “Remember, take that path until you get to the ivy-covered bridge, then take a left and keep walking a ways, you’ll get to the pavilion then. And  _ take breaks.  _ I’ll be back here in four hours, so make sure you’re out or I will be going in there in a panic and I  _ will  _ be telling Mori. And you don’t want her to be disappointed in you, do you?” 

“You’re threatening me with  _ Mori?  _ ...You’re more clever than I thought!” 

“Thank youwu,” Jamie grinned. Connor exited the car and started off down the path –

“Remember! Be out by five or I’ll  _ be very disappointed!”  _

“Yes, mom!” 

He didn’t need to look over his shoulder to know he was being flipped off. 

***

There was music in the woods. That was, in itself,  _ really weird  _ for Connor. He was close to the pavilion, and he could hear it – somebody playing music. On a ukulele, actually. 

“I can’t help if my anxiety

gets to me

and some days it drives me crazy

but at least I’ve got the trees –!” 

“– shit, that’s it! That’s the next lyric, great, cool, cool, epic, very cash money –”

Well. Someone was  _ clearly  _ using the pavilion. Connor got closer, peaking through the trees only to see a guy. He was familiar, but Connor couldn’t match a name to him – he was unbelievably relaxed, wearing a park ranger uniform, and had what must be his lunch to his left. There was a notebook on his right and a ukulele that laid across his knees as he leaned over to write. 

Connor stepped back, ready to walk away for a little bit until this guy’s lunch break was over. He stepped on a branch as he did, the snap echoing through the area, and –

– the boy panicked, jumping like thirty feet into the air. With a sigh, Connor steeled his resolve. He’d have to  _ actually talk to a human person.  _ Gross. 

It was worth it for dance, though. Dance was the most important thing in his life. And no matter what happened, it always would be. 

Even if he had to face dealing with other people for it. 


	3. an olive branch

Evan was getting a degree in poli-sci and was ready to die. 

No, really. He had tripped and fallen into some bullshit program where he’s in college and high school  _ at the same time  _ and pays like, a fraction of a fraction of the cost that a normal college student would’ve had to. And yeah it means he gets no free time, sleep, or days off, but he was getting an  _ education.  _ And  _ wouldn’t be in lifetime debt.  _

So. Worth it? 

Really, it  _ was.  _ It was at the cost of his mental health, which he’d never really had anyway, so it was a net positive at the end of the day,  _ really,  _ it was! 

He spent what little free time he had prepping for the LSAT. His poli-sci degree coming out of high school would count for college — and it  _ better,  _ seeing as he’d been spending every day starting his freshman year at a nearby university — so he was going to try to work his way through law school and get  _ out.  _ Because he couldn’t breathe in this small town. 

Here, everyone knew him. Knew who he was, had ideas about who he could be — he couldn’t take it. He really  _ couldn’t.  _

So he was going to live in a city. Really, any of them would do. Seattle would be nice, though. Right near the Olympic Peninsula, which had a stunning temperate rainforest. Evan had always wanted to go. 

And in his  _ free  _ free time, he played his ukulele. It was a gift from his grandmother forever-and-a-day ago, and it was…relaxing. He could fall into the melody, and write lyrics that were an expression of...him. Whoever that was. 

Writing was why he fell into his college degree program, anyway. He loved it. Loved self expression, loved putting a pen to paper in defense of what he believed. So when he wrote a paper in eighth grade about college education, about how it was wrong for intelligent kids to have to forgo an education because they couldn’t afford it — because they had to work right out of high school, regardless of a scholarship — his mom sent it to a lot of people.  _ Without asking.  _

And yeah. He was still a little salty. But it struck a chord with somebody, apparently. Somebody with power. Because now he was paying  _ thirty dollars a semester  _ for a  _ college education.  _

So. He was stressed. And he didn’t know what to do. It was summer, so he decided to work at Ellison because he wanted time to breathe, and the trees always provided fresh air. It wasn’t enough to get fresh air, so he decided to write during his lunch break. 

Because writing had always been an escape. It had always been how he got out of problems. 

He neglected that it was also always how he got  _ into  _ problems. Because just as he was finally chilling the  _ fuck  _ out —

— a branch snapped and he was face to face with  _ Connor Murphy.  _ Y’know. The cute boy on his school’s dance team who was probably unaware of his existence who scared pretty much everyone. So. That was  _ festive. _

“I — I’m sorry?” Evan wasn’t quite sure what he was apologizing for but y’know it was just one of those days. “I — do you — I can go, I should go —”

“I can wait until you’re done eating, please breathe.” Connor scoffed and Evan could feel his face burning. His anxiety was high enough on a normal day and this was  _ not a normal day.  _

“I’m sorry I just — people —” Evan took a breath and steadied himself. “People are like, the worst. Not that you’re the worst or anything! But I just was not mentally equipped for dealing with another human person today.” 

“God that’s a mood. When I was at UDA last year — that’s the week long dance camp we do every year as a dance team? Yeah, I’m on my school’s dance team, weird, I know. Anyway, when I was at that — I had to deal with a bunch of preppy girls all day. Like,  _ worse than my team.  _ So when lunch rolled around I took like. Ten cookies — and don’t you dare laugh,” Connor wrinkled his nose at the breathy half-laugh Evan let slip. “I was really fucking hungry, do you know what it’s like to dance for six hours before lunch? I was  _ dying.  _ And this coach for Dalewood? She gave me this  _ look,  _ I swear to god. And I was all like ‘I’m having a day’ and then Mori just about  _ died  _ laughing at me and just — people, man. They’re  _ wild.”  _

“Did you come out here to practice? Seeing as you’re on your school’s team and everything.” Evan wasn’t going to say he went to the same school as Connor, that would be really fucking awkward. 

“I did. I can’t practice in the damn house anymore, so I was gonna come out here. But if you’re here, I can find somewhere else —”

“— what if we share?” Evan rushed out. “Like. Like I’d only be here for another —” he checked his watch “— ten minutes? Twenty minutes? Because my lunch is an hour long and y’know it’s a  _ weird  _ hour. So like you can practice and I can like. Face the opposite direction or something. We don’t have to deal with each other, I can be quiet and write lyrics away from where you are and string together the melody when you’re not here, and you can have your practice space and it’s not gonna be a big deal. If you want. Maybe.” 

“...yeah, okay. Just don’t bother me,” Connor narrowed his eyes. “And remember to eat. Don’t waste your sandwich or time.” 

“Okay. Yeah, okay, will do.” 

“Cool. So, since we’re probably going to run into each other all the time — I take it you’re here every day?” Evan nodded. “Cool, same. Since we’re going to be in each other’s orbit so much, can I have your name, anxious tree boy?” 

“I’m Evan. Evan Hansen!” He stuck his hand out to shake before pulling it back, wiping it on his shirt really quickly to make sure it wasn’t sweaty, and then sticking it out again. 

Connor laughed, shaking Evan’s hand. “I’m Connor. Connor Murphy. Nice to meet you, anxious tree boy. Good luck dealing with me for like. An entire fucking summer.” 

Yeah, ‘good luck’. Evan was definitely going to need it. 

Jared and Alana were going to  _ flip  _ when they heard about this shit at class that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so someone asked when this is supposed to be set? like. the timeline. and i'm sorry if i was unclear on that!! this is set while they're in high school during the summer between junior and senior year, so everyone is like in that funky 17-18 age range. sorry about that!!  
> also thank you guys so much for being so nice to me!! i never expected support for my funky dance fanfic but it's amazing that people are giving this a chance! as a dancer and a writer, you make my heart *very happy*, and the day i can overcome my anxiety i am responding to every single super nice comment i've gotten so far :))


	4. precision and control

“In our theoretical production of Newsies, you’d totally be our Crutchie,” Mori smiled sweetly at Connor as they stretched beside each other at their usual spots at the barre — the back left corner, where they both felt most comfortable. 

“Fuck off,” Connor hissed with no real venom in his voice. “Especially when we all know you’d be Les.”

“No,  _ I’d  _ probably be chilling in the ensemble.  _ Ellie  _ would be Les. She’s young and way too idealistic for her own good.” Mori rolled her eyes. “Not to be that person but Carrie is totally a closet Davey kinnie. Way too smart for her own good and cripplingly anxious?  _ Uh, I sure hope it does.”  _

“Only if you agree that Jessica is a total Morris Delancey. I mean –”

“No way!” Mori argued. “She’s way too nice for that. She’s just meaner around other people because she wants to appear scarier than she is because people mess with her a lot. She apologizes like. Right away.” 

“And she thinks that the dance team is going to...? Mess with her?” 

“Connor, sweetie, my honey bunches of oats, my best friend and very favorite person in the entire world, know that I say this with all the love in my heart and the wisdom of the universe – your reputation is currently about on par with the  _ Avatar the Last Airbender _ movie.” 

“So...it couldn’t be much worse if I tried?” 

“No, no it couldn’t.” 

“That’s to be expected after last year at camp with the Extreme Hokey Pokey incident, I suppose.” 

“I  _ promise  _ your reputation was trash even before the Extreme Hokey Pokey incident.” 

Miss Kristina walked into the room and immediately all conversation ceased. She had a stack of papers in her hands – roles for her company’s next production. Seeing as they were too young to legitimately join the company, she often just threw roles at people instead of having them audition. 

And that. That was a  _ stack  _ of papers. Connor would’ve been surprised if there was anyone in the room who didn’t get a role. 

So, imagine his surprise when he didn’t get a role. It bothered him all through class, and after, he approached her in the studio. 

“Miss Kristina, why did everyone get a role but me? I know I’m not the best in class, but I work very hard, and I’m better than –”

“You aren’t the Connor Murphy that started dance and loved dance for dance’s sake. Dance is about control and precision. You have precision, but you have no control. You can’t only have half and expect it to be enough, even if you’re the most talented dancer in the room.” Miss Kristina looked down her nose at him – which was impressive, considering they were about the same height. 

“I’m not in the mood for cryptic advice, just tell me what I’m doing  _ wrong.”  _

“This isn’t cryptic advice! You’re out of balance. It’s like trying to do turns without spotting – it’s possible, sure, but dizzying and with the risk of disastrous side effects if taken too far. Already I fear I’ve let you fall out of balance too much. You dance but it’s so – angry. And angry is okay, it’s okay to be mad, but you border on losing control. You’re so precise in your fury that you forget to keep it in check. And I will not allow that on my stage.” 

“So you’re not – you’re not gonna let me perform?” 

“No. You’re not ready. You were, but you’re not anymore. When you’re ready again, we’ll talk about it again.” 

She pushed past him, leaving him alone in the studio to stew. 

***

“So – let me get this straight – you were alone in the woods with Connor Murphy, and you’re not dead, and you were  _ alone with Connor Murphy and you’re not dead.  _ There must be something I’m missing here because that does not add up at all.” Jared stole one of Evan’s pretzels, flopping into his chair in the lecture hall between Alana and Evan. “I’m not missing anything, right Al? There’s gotta be  _ something.”  _

“No, Evan said the same thing to both of us. Maybe – and, tell me where I lose you here – Connor isn’t  _ actually that bad.”  _ Alana rolled her eyes as she grabbed her physics homework out of her folder – purple for Science, clearly. 

This was a physics class, after all – part of their school’s program where you can graduate with a college degree. Alana, Jared, and Evan were the only ones to test into the program, and thus some of their classes had to be on the campus itself – and in the summer. Hence the current situation. 

Their teacher – who liked to be addressed simply as ‘Benway’ and cut out all the honorifics because they were “annoying and better to not get attached to any of them”. He was obviously Alana’s favorite, and secretly Evan and Jared’s too. 

“So what did y’all think of the monkey problem?” Benway started pacing at the front of the class. 

“I thought it was pretty bananas, wouldn’t you say?” Jared snickered quietly to Evan and Alana, not intending for anyone else to hear. Evan shot his friend a look. 

“Jared –”

“Don’t worry about it, Ev, I’m just monkeying around!” 

“Jared  _ please –”  _ Alana should’ve expected this by now, really, but just when his jokes couldn’t get any worse –

“Baboom! I called it last class!” 

***

Connor was  _ furious.  _ Angry enough that some rage-induced ballet was in order – and ballet  _ was  _ the angriest dance form. Explosive leaps with absolute sharp precision? Of course it was the angriest form of dance. 

Jamie let out a low whistle when she waltzed into the studio. “Damn, the First Shade? You must be  _ pissed.  _ Spill.” 

“She says I don’t have enough  _ control,  _ even though I have  _ precision.  _ What the fuck does that even  _ mean?”  _

Jamie shrugged as she slipped into the Black Swan pas de deux from Swan Lake. She fell into the motions naturally with Connor, sliding into them with practiced ease. “Hell if I know. For now maybe just focus on getting your emotions in check? You don’t want to be angry.” 

The push and pull of their dance became more of a push for a moment. 

“How the hell should you know what I want?” 

“Because I know you. This isn’t one of my best friends, Connor. This is like, Invasion of the Body Snatchers version of Connor. So snap out of it?” She went breathless as she turned, having just exited a lift. 

“I hate you that you’re right. But I can’t just  _ stop being mad.”  _ Connor huffed. “I don’t know how.” 

“Then don’t stop being mad. Just  _ dance with me.  _ We can take your mind off of things, and do some pas de deux, and figure out how the hell I’m gonna ask Kat out.” 

“You say that you’re gonna do it every year! And you never have. It’s been  _ three years, Jamie.  _ Just  _ ask her.”  _

“Okay but every time I try she just looks  _ so pretty  _ and I stop being able to talk and she’s just  _ so powerful  _ like have you seen her with jazz? Not to be that person but I feel like if I accidentally insulted her she’d break me in half.  _ She’s terrifying and beautiful and –” _

“Oh my  _ God,  _ Jamie you useless gay –”

“– oh like you have room to talk –”

Connor held back a laugh, the music swimming in his ears and his friend there to help him dance his problems away. 

Miss Kristina didn’t know what she was talking about. He was  _ fine.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you ever wanna see the first shade variation *please* see ekaterina krysanova’s it brings me *so much joy* she is such a powerhouse. and while you’re checking out ballet stuff, check out her kitri?? it’s such a beautiful variation and the joy in her dancing makes my heart *so full* god i love ballet *so much*


	5. ellie and the beast

Honestly, nobody on the dance team was doing particularly great. Most members had graduated from the Connor Murphy School of Bad Coping Mechanisms with _full_ honors, and those who hadn’t were about four seconds from turning everything in their lives into a joke. Except for Ellie, that is, who was practically on the verge of tears. Jamie reflected on the fact that they’d train her out of that pretty quick – the team didn't much _care,_ of course, but crying shows a level of vulnerability that just can’t be sustained in the real world. And the dance team was a family, and that meant they kept an eye out for each other, and that meant that when one of them started crying, everyone else banded around them and hid them from everyone else in their lives. 

So, of course, when they heard that UDA – the dance camp they went to _every summer –_ was cancelled because the money the school usually put toward it was going to new uniforms for the football team. Well. Ellie broke down immediately. 

Which is why the entire team had left their super-early-morning emergency practice before it was actually _over,_ piling into an assortment of cars to get to the Autumn Smiles Orchard, a gathering place they’d selected at Connor’s request several years ago, when he had first joined the team. Deep within the rows of trees that gathered overhead, clawing at the too-bright sky, the dance team members all sat among the trees, several of them stewing and Ellie – once again – crying just a bit. 

“I’m sorry, I –” she sniffed “– I don’t even know why I’m crying like this, I just – I’ve never had – I’ve never had friends before and I was just so excited and I – I cry at everything, did you know that? I cried once – a teacher glared at me and I just panicked, it’s true! It’s just a nasty habit, really, I –” Her breathing was unsteady and Connor knew he had to settle her down. Otherwise Mori was gonna _kill_ him for letting her favorite little freshie get all out of sorts. 

Before he could come up with something, Carrie was standing on the limb of a tree, fury in her face and gears turning in her mind. 

“Are we really going to let the school walk all over us like that? To take away our funding for _uniforms?”_ Her tone was outraged in a way that Connor hadn’t heard from her before. “No! I say we do something. We _stand_ for something. We are the creators, the artists, the idealists! We stand for something, for art, for _change._ Are we going to let them stomp on that?” 

“No way!” Jamie climbed up beside her. “Are we going to let them end our story here? Are we going to let them take from us what’s rightfully ours without consulting us, treating us like little kids instead of actual people? No!” 

“What are we going to do?” Anna was quiet. “We don’t have enough power over them, you know that. They’re too stupid to listen to us on their own, bless their little hearts, so we need to make them listen.” 

“Could we raise the money ourselves?” Kat suggested. “I mean, prove we don’t need them.” 

“No, that won’t get the point across,” Jessica shook her head. “We need to prove that we’re actual human people and that the things we care about have equal value to the things that they care about. That art is important, that it’s a viable skill set in the real world, that they could not be happy without art –”

“I know what we should do,” Ellie was quiet. “It’s gonna be hard. But I think we could do it, maybe. If we try. And – and if we work together.” 

“Well?” Connor asked. “What’cha got?” 

“We live in a small town, right? And – and there’s nothing around here, not really. It takes a lot of work to get to the city. So if we shut down – all the arts around here, right? Like. If we get the artists, the _legit, adult_ artists in the area in on it – and all of the students, too, you _know_ we aren’t the only ones who got our funding cut, right? Anyway, we can get everyone in on it, and – and have no art in the entire county until they give us our funding back.” Ellie paused for a moment, slipping into thought, “We could start in July, maybe? Because the Fourth of July without a band or the parade, which _we_ organize – and Village Vibe, where a local band plays music and stuff – we cut all that, and it means something. Bookstores closed down, murals painted over in white or with – I dunno – a sheet put over them or something? Cover statues so nobody can see. All of the art in the school building, taken down. No writing, no drawing, no photography, no performing – prove to them how boring their games are without _our_ fanfare.” 

“It would be a _bitch_ to organize,” Jessica huffed. “Are any of us able to do that kind of thing?” 

“How could we make people listen?” Kat bit her bottom lip anxiously. “And what would we do about the internet – people could look stuff up online.” 

“Alana Beck,” Jamie broke into a grin. “I know her well – we’re on the school newspaper together, did you know that? Anyway, she’s got an internship with our local paper over the summer, I think we could ask her for help, she’ll know how to do this. Assuming she’s not too busy – did you know that her, that Kleinman kid, and Hansen, they’re all going to school over the summer? College or something, graduating with dual degrees or whatever.” 

“Evan Hansen?” Connor recognized the name – the tree boy from Ellison. “He goes to our school?” 

“Yeah,” Jessica shot Connor a strange look. “Why does he _matter?”_

“He’s got an internship at Ellison, I met him recently is all.” 

“Do you liiiiiiiiike him?” Mori asked, going into a backbend so she could make eye contact with Connor. 

“No, how could I? I barely know him.” 

“Hansen could be helpful, actually,” Carrie reflected for a moment. “He wrote an essay that bullied that one nearby college into their dual enrollment program so that he and anyone else smart enough to test in could pay like, nothing for their degree. If anyone could write a convincing article to persuade people to do this ‘no arts’ thing, it would be _him.”_

“And Jared has a knack for computers and networking, you know.” Anna wrinkled her nose. “He was in my AP Computer Science class last year, he could help solidify our presence online, get the word out there in more than just the newspaper.” 

“So we’re dragging all three of them into this?” Jamie closed her eyes, sweeping her legs under her so she was sitting on the branch next to Carrie instead of standing. Her smile grew imperceptibly as Kat climbed to sit up between the two of them and – _well,_ Connor couldn’t say he was surprised, but the three of them had better have a talk soon or else he was going to lose his last marbles. That train of thought was lost when Jamie started talking again, “I don’t know if they’re all going to be willing to join in, Ev is notoriously anxious and Jared is probably going to do what he does.” 

“He’ll join,” Connor was sure of that. “I’ll make sure of it. He plays music and he writes, it shouldn’t be hard to convince him.” 

“And your sister,” Carrie leaned against Kat’s shoulder. “She’s going to be how we get all the band kids on board –”

“No.” Connor’s entire posture went rigid and his tone was rock hard. “Absolutely not. I refuse to work with her on anything.” 

“You’d let your family issues get in the way of something this important?” Ellie was quiet. 

“You have no _idea_ what that house is like, stay out of business that isn’t yours,” Connor hissed. “You want her on board? Someone else convince her.” 

“I’ll do it!” Mori kicked her legs up into a handstand, flopping over onto her stomach after a couple seconds. “This matters too much to get into a pissing match over, but we _will_ be discussing it later, kay?” 

“So we’re doing this?” Ellie was quiet. 

“We don’t really have a choice, do we?” Jessica’s tone was bitter. “We have to give up on what we love or we have to fight. And I refuse to have the things I love taken from me by people who refuse to understand. If that means I have to march, or fight, or yell to make myself heard, I’m going to do it. Anyone who does or says otherwise can fuck off.” 

“Kitty-Kat, JJ? I need you for a couple minutes after we’re done here,” Carrie was quiet. “Nothing important, just personal stuff. I take it this concludes the first plan for the – what are we calling this?” 

“Fuck if I know,” Connor sighed, tired. “The Artsy-Fartsy-Funding Project or whatever. Pollyanna, Momo, Ace, Aegis, you’re with me, alright? I’ll get you home.” 

“What’s that?” Ellie was quiet. 

“Nicknames,” Connor rolled his eyes. “Everyone on the team gets one. Anna is Ace because she kicks our ass at cards on a regular basis,” _and she’s a closeted aroace and has only really told some of the older members on this team,_ “Aegis is Jessica because she would do just about anything to protect the people she cares about,” _and she hides behind her defenses way too much,_ “Firestarter is for Carrie because she’s always had a weird thing for fire and Anna noticed when they had Chem together,” _plus she always had crazy ideas that led to trouble and bigger ideas like this one,_ “Momo is simple and boring for Mori, JJ is simple and boring for Jamie, and Kitty-Kat is pretty self explanatory. You’re Pollyanna, it’s a synonym for optimist.” _A Pollyanna is an optimist and you’re pretty optimistic to believe in this._

“And what’s your nickname?” Ellie was quiet. 

“Connor is _the Beast,”_ Mori giggled. “It was that or Nevermore for our former resident edgelord – now he’s more of a grumpy uncle – but Jamie came up with it forever ago. We give each other nicknames so we’re not bound to who we used to be, y’know? And if you don’t like yours you can always ask for a new one, but it’s just to remind us that you don’t have to be the you that everybody else sees while you’re here. We only use them while we’re alone.” 

“Oh,” Ellie was quiet again. “Oh, I really like that. That’s – that’s really cool.” 

Connor smiled softly – he always liked when the freshies got their nicknames. He ruffled Ellie’s hair and grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet. 

“C’mon, let’s take Aegis, Ace, and Momo to get some ice cream. Celebrate, yeah?” 

“Yeah!” Mori grabbed Ellie’s other hand, dragging her along. “C’mon, they have the _best_ peach ice cream -”

It was gonna be a hell of a gamble, but it was gonna be worth it. 

And Connor’s worries about Kat, Jamie, and Carrie? Those weren’t important right now. 

He had to stress instead about getting Evan Hansen on board for potentially the most unnecessary stressful project that tree boy would ever be asked to participate in. Y’know, no big deal. 


End file.
